6 Dec 2015

2am thoughts


Hi
Omg my both ears are on fire (not api tu, panas call lama2) It's already December guys. Most people whining about how fast 2015 going, for me, I wish this year could end faster than my feelings. My December is awful, today, my favourite humble and kind prince, Tunku Jalil died because of cancer. Of course I cried when I heard the news. From that moment, I knew, I've to change. (I mention about 'change' a lot but never did it, .. ...) In any minutes, people that we love could be gone. From now on, let me take care of my friends that worth time.

I can't wait to leave those people (that I hate) in 2015 and start a new life in 2016. This year is huge for me. People around me started to show their true colours. I don't hate those people that much, because once upon a time they make me happy. Why would I regret for having them in my life? I feel like, I wamt to thank them personally for making me realize that I've that power, the power to choose,.. the power to paint my own canvas. I know this things ain't easy. Its been a month since I talked (chat) with syaz. Of course I missed him, but then I realize how he make me feel really bad,sick , I cried every night asking myself what I did wrong. I've the answer. All this time I was expecting people will treat me the same way I treat them. Nope. It's good for you to be kind and nice, but don't expect anything in returned because not everybody have the same heart like you. Just be kind, ikhlas, forgive them and forget what they'd done to you. That's how our religion teach us. I disagree 'forgive but never forget'. It means, you maafkan diorang tapi tak ikhlas so what's the point of forgiving? learn to let go things and people, your life will getting better.

I used to say this a lot but syaz was right. No point of 'menyepi'. It only wasting your precious time. When I'm about to hit the ground, my head suddenly started functioning.. why should I feel bad with myself? I have Anis, Ain, Mukhriz, Sufi, Syed, Hazwan (not 24/7 but I can trust him) and not forgetting Paiq. Why should I be sad over syz that only know me for 1 year++ when paiq and hazwan know me since I was 16 and they don't leave me. Its not my loss, actually he's the one who lose someone that care about him. Mukhriz and I are friends since we're 13 and yet he still stay with me. (I got A in my English SPM bcs of him, I wrote a karangan about him and the examiners seems touched with my story.. tak aku main hentam je tah si examiner tu muntah darah apa baca karangan tu) Paiq is my favourite supporter for this past 2 years. He always giving me the positive vibes but I always denied the positive and accept the negative. Sorry my bad. I do like him but I'm afraid he'll ended up like syz so I decided to stop talking to him. High hopes is the mother of all dissapointments. Kalau ada jodoh, he'll never leave. Syed. He's really something. I could spend the whole day with him talking about everything, At least he's not the judgmental type. We could talk about keeping up with pk and all stuff for months. Mati bersama pn steady hahahaha jkjk. So yeah let me keep in touch with this bunch of kiddos only. At least my death certificate nnti takdak tulis cause of death: terperangkap dalam batu belah batu bertangkuk sbb nak commit suicide gaya hipster.

My social life. Maybe I'll not update any status anymore. Just keep it to myself only. I'm selfish. I don't want to share my happiness with people who don't deserve it. Let me make you happy and let others keep wondering why we're doing better than them. Maybe I'll read more. I'll start writing and sketching again. I miss drawing but I've art-block :/ Oh I'm gonna start playing games yey Dota 2, Warframe and etc. Paiq and Hazwan plays Dota 2 too, maybe through gaming we could become closer like we used to 2 years ago :) 

I was sad before this, I lost 2 favourite people in my life (my fav comedian and a humble prince) but after almost 1 hour wechat call with syed just now, I was like hey my life isn't bad. I do have friends. I was busy being sad, emotional about the idea of 'lonely' sampai terlupa there're people who still love me the way I am. I forgot that I've the life that people wish they had!! I'm so sorry guys, I won't let it happened again. This year is a unforgettable year. Nak masuk 2016, 6 years of blogging. Next year I'll update about uni's life. How fast time flies right? macam baru kelmarin update pasal takut turun kelas time nak masuk form 2's life. I plan nnti taknak celebrate my birthday, tak suka umur nak masuk 2-series dah okay. I'm 18 years old but with paiq, hey I never changed, I've that 16 years old atittude.

Throughout my journey, all I can say is.. never give up. Time nak give up tu la macam2 jadi, crush lama datang balik, tetiba rapat dengan kawan lama, something that you never expect. Be kind to everybody, it won't hurt you. But if someone try to take advantage over your kindness, better pijak dulu orang tu, layak kena belasah ramai2 ja org camtu. Believe in yourself, defend what's yours. You have your rights too. Let go people who don't help you stepped up your game. Lift your head up, tunduk just nk admire jam tangan je kayh, jangan tunduk dekat org unless sebab nk tunjuk hormat skgi kena label remaja tak guna. If you gaduh with your friends or gf/bf, please think about your words before you spit it out, takkan satu salah dia, kebaikan dia yg lama ter'cancel'. Think wisely. You may lose them. That's it.

So this is my last posts in 2015. I wish you guys have a great year like mine. Don't screw up your December, because next yeat you might don't want to sing a long Taylor's back to december song. Next year Syed gonna take PT3 and Syz and the gang have to face SPM while I'm busy preparing for uni's registration. Goodluck kiddos!! hm for syz maybe congrats seiton elele kdak jk. goodluck y'all!

Till we meet again.

(( I wish next year gonna be a plot twist somehow))